Tuesday, March 3, 2015

DRAGONBITCH REVIEWS: RuPaul's Drag Race SEASON SEVEN

Okay, they TEASED us, they BAITED us, they kept us waiting TWO EXTRA MONTHS, and last night FINALLY the 7th season of RuPaul's Drag Race premiered with some interesting twists and changes.

The most notable change this year is the exit of perennial least-favorite-judge Santino Rice, whose fashion advice was often hyperbolic, RARELY on fleek, usually misguided. He has been replaced by Ross Matthews and Carson Kressley, both of whom I ABSOLUTELY ADORE. And of course, Michelle - whose show I think it REALLY is - and Ru. I like the idea of a four-person weekly panel, because I think the Michelle-Santino (with benevolent Mama Ru Jesus-like in the center, arms outstretched) dichotomy was a little hackneyed by the end of last season.

Also changing - the format of Untucked (thank GOD). This time around it's a little more genuine - instead of a fabulous lounge to drink in, it's a cluttered corner of backstage and we get to see more of their interactions and less Desperate Housegays voice over work. There also doesn't seem to be a secondary lounge where we will have tearful moment of redemption every week. I'm glad the emotional manipulation has been dropped a peg or two.

But as with any season, what is going to make this season EXTRA FABULOUS are the GIRRRRRLS! I am SO excited for this crop, and I have been since their Meet the Girls videos launched late last year.

This year, to keep up with the changing times over at World of Wonder, I decided to switch up my formula a little bit - especially since last year my formula was less accurate than it usually is. I am going to go through each girl individually and rate them (1-5) in six categories that have been important in years past. These ratings are based on a number of things: their Meet the Girls videos (and other promotional videos that have been released), their Covergirls videos, and their showing in these first episodes of Drag Race and Untucked.

While I've never been able to predict the ACTUAL order, I've come VERY close a couple of times. I prefer to think of the girls as a couple of different sets that get weeded out in order. I'm pretty certain my bottom four will be the first four to go, if not in that order. The next four will go, but not in any particular order.

This year, though, I am VERY confident in my top six.

SPOILER ALERT: I will be revealing the results of the first episode. If you're not ready for that jelly, don't read further yet.

#14. TEMPEST DUJOUR

Lovechild of Latrice Royale and Nicole Paige Brooks
That's right, the first episode saw the release of one of the oldest queens to ever enter the competition: Tempest DuJour. While I think there were a couple others who also could've gone home in this dreaded first spot and I would have been okay with it, the fact is Tempest brought a flavor to the competition that is covered completely - and better - by some of the other queens. Here's how she shakes out:

ATTITUDE: 5

Great heart, great wisdom. I wish her beautiful heart had been rewarded with a longer stay

FASHION SENSE: 3

Her wig for the promos is... aight. Her dress is wonderful. But both her spring and her fall look were mediocre, and her final Mainstage look was absolutely disastrous.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

As I mentioned before, Tempest was a little bit of a lot of stuff, and everything she had to offer is offered a little bit better by many of the other contestants. She was a benevolent mama-figure... like Kennedy and Kasha. She was a camp queen... like Trixie and Max. She had larger than life sensibilities... like Miss Fame. She was funny... like over half of this year's cast.

IT FACTOR: 2.5

I did like her personality a ton, but her ability to converse with the other girls felt lacking. When she spoke on the mainstage, she was thoughtful and powerful, but her lipsynch (both on the mainstage and in Covergirls) was dead-eyed and unremarkable. When her voice wasn't being used, she faded into the background.

PITHINESS: 3.5

I actually really appreciated her sense of humor. "I don't know whether to cry or poop. I'm on the verge of both." Bawdy, tacky, but without trying too hard. The shade Tempest threw at Kandy when she named her the queen that should go home first was AMAZING. If she had stayed around longer, I have no doubt she would've been a slightly sharper Latrice, loving and motherly with a dragon's tongue.

POLISH: 1

Tempest was rough around the edges, and it showed up everywhere. While her looks were pretty good, her boobs were always awkwardly stoic, she didn't pad very well, her makeup was a little too... final scene of Rocky Horror, and that bodysuit was a mess. If I wanted to see that many pale wrinkles, I'd take my shirt off in front of a mirror. In the end, THIS is where she lost and became last-place.

FINAL SCORE: 17

#13 KANDY HO

Lovechild of Jessica Wild and Roxxxy Andrews
This one... what is she even doing here? I have nothing nice to say about Ms. Ho. I think her skills are questionable, her attitude is atrocious, and I just plain don't like her. You'll notice a couple of these girls scored lower than Tempest overall, and for good reason.

ATTITUDE: 1

Go ahead... treat your fellow competitors badly. It worked out so well for Roxxxy. The difference between her and you, Ms. Ho, is that Roxxxy had a LOT of talent to back up her shitty 'tude.

FASHION SENSE: 3

Bo...ring. Her promo look (above) is pedestrian, her spring and fall looks were forgettable, and I can't even remember what the 'Ho wore on the runway. And all those wigs with the dark roots? Why go to all that trouble to LOOK LAZY?! Also, Michelle Visage hit the nail on the head - when you paint, it looks like you paint on a beard (see above). You, gurl, were not ready - in body or heart - and should go.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

Seen it before. She's like Rebecca Glasscock without the charm (and yes, that's meant to be shady to both of them).

IT FACTOR: 2.5

I just plain don't see it. I think her face is ugly, I think her heart is ugly, I just don't see it.

PITHINESS: 3

Though I want her to be a little more imaginative than "how old are you?" I do think she has some good quips and comebacks up her sleeve. Pity we wont get too many chances to hear them.

POLISH: 2

Overall, my judgement of her is that she just wasn't ready. She's got a chip on her shoulder with the other contestants, so I think she knows that too. Maybe in two years, when she had more practice and more confidence, it would've been a good year for her. But now... sad.

FINAL SCORE: 13.5

#12. SASHA BELLE

Lovechild of Shannel and Adore Delano
Category is: First Time in Drags on TV. Her whole schtick is that she's studied every season of the show and thinks she's got the code cracked. Her encyclopedic knowledge of the past contestants is going to bring her to victory. Unfortunately, Sasha missed a couple of key chapters in that book: when you're new, don't think you're better than you are (Adore made it VERY far on the pretense that "hey, I'm not good at this yet. But I'm fierce!"). And when other girls come for you, don't let them see you sweat. In one episode, she's already broken both those rules. This competition is no place for a defensive rookie.

ATTITUDE: 2

As I mentioned before, she's already let the other girls frazzle her. Pearl obviously has an avenue direct into the itchy part of her panties, and I think several of the girls are liable to use that to their advantage.

FASHION SENSE: 3

I didn't dislike her lobster dress, actually, and her promo look is one of my favorites. But damnit gurl, that giant black bra in the nude illusion challenge... NO MA'AM. Her wigs are just-out-of-the-bag, which can be charming, but not when you put on airs of being polished. You're not. Get over it.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

Her schtick just doesn't work for me. So many of the other girls this year work their schtick PERFECTLY, so when your product is boring and unremarkable, you lose me.

IT FACTOR: 3

I kinda like her, but then she also reeks a little bit of CRAYCRAY. Like she may have stalked some of the past queens to learn their secrets. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to bathe in their blood a la Dandy Mott. Still, that craziness is a little fascinating.

PITHINESS: 4

You wouldn't know it from anything she's done on the show yet, but if you research this girl, she actually is hysterically funny. She did a series of youtube videos - her doing impressions of all the other queens - and they are VERY funny. And scathing. And dead-the-fuck-on. It must've happened after the show, though. Her makeup skills were markedly better in those videos than in this episode.

POLISH: 1

Very new. Not that this is a bad thing, mind you, but again... she doesn't like to admit it. If she came with the "heart of gold" act like Adore, she'd stand a chance. But because she's not making herself super likeable and already being defensive and butthurt, she's not going to last long. When things start getting stressful in that workroom, she's too willing to throw herself as bait on the floor.

FINAL SCORE: 15

#11. PEARL

Lovechild of Phoenix and Princess
Obviously she's been so used to being told she's cute as a boy, she's obsessed with the idea that everything she does is cute. Her "over it" attitude, her unwillingness to show social skills. Yeah, that might get you fucked at a club where nobody can hear you talk anyway, Hunty, but it ain't gonna win you $100,000 on a television program famous for some BIG personalities.

ATTITUDE: 2

While I wouldn't go so far as to say she is mean to the other girls, I would say there's a disturbing Tyra Sanchezness to her: she's not there to make friends or win fans, she's there simply to show off. 

FASHION SENSE: 5

I will give her this: next to Miss Fame, she may have the most eye-burning looks on the mainstage. When she walks the runway I can't take my eyes off of her. Her makeup definitely needs some work, and her wigs are blah, but her fashions are un-fucking-believable.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

While there is something refreshing about a contestant who apparently doesn't give a fuck about winning, I'm just not impressed by a 20-something whose already so jaded and blazé. You're young and you're ADORABLE... have some fucking heart.

IT FACTOR: 2

I was frankly SHOCKED by her inability to seem human or likeable in the least in her Meet the Queens promo. Miss Fame wasn't exactly human or likeable either, but at least Miss Fame looks like a goddamned work of art. Pearl had gross makeup AND a gross personality. And on the show she improved very slightly, but was still kinda... boring. She may go even sooner than this if we have a particularly high energy on-camera challenge.

PITHINESS: 2

"Whatever" and "I don't care" don't count as fierceness in my book.

POLISH: 3

For being brand new to drag, I'm impressed. But compared to some of the girls who have this game DOWN, she is noticeably weak in some of the technical aspects of the artform.

FINAL SCORE: 16

#10. VIOLET CHACHKI

Lovechild of Tatianna and Laganja Estranja
Yuck. Yikes. Kill it with fire. I'm about to read this little cunt for filth.

ATTITUDE: 0

The only zero I have given to any of these girls. Every word out of her mouth is something nasty and gross. I'm already over her.

FASHION SENSE: 4

I'll give her this - bitch certainly knows how to make a statement. That tartan catsuit... one of the best looks ever to grace a runway.

INDIVIDUALITY: 3

If only because she is WAAAAAAY bitchier than everyone else.

IT FACTOR: 3

She does put together some pretty great looks, and though I despise her with all my heart I do kinda look forward to the next awful thing she says.

PITHINESS: 4

"I'm jealous. I wish I had fat to push together." I choked on my drink.

POLISH: 4

Her game is on fleek. If she were sweet, I'd actually consider her a front runner. But past years have shown that pure, unfettered, unselfconscious bitchiness does not make it far in this competition. Though her vaguely formless boy-body was a very poor choice on the runway. I loved Kennedy's read: "in my generation, that is a complete no-no."

FINAL SCORE: 18

#9. JAIDYNN DIORE FIERCE

Lovechild of Jiggly Caliente and Jujubee
I actually like her quite a bit. Her Meet the Queens video was one of the best. Her personality is fun, she makes me laugh and smile. But are all of the pieces there for her to play a sickening game?

ATTITUDE: 4

I love that she's broad and funny, she's not self-conscious about her body, and though she's supportive of the other queens, she doesn't let them forget it is a competition she intends to win. Exactly how I'd like to imagine I would be in that situation.

FASHION SENSE: 3

This is really where she loses me. All of her looks were completely forgettable. Fat girl in a leotard, over and over again. Her makeup is amazing, her wigs are all voluminous and fun, but those outfits, mama. I forget them. Even look at this one. Acid-washed denim jacket over a black, rubber dress? No... just no.

INDIVIDUALITY: 3

While she does stand out for me, she stands out in exactly the same way as many girls of seasons past. She reminds me a LOT of Jujubee, which is a wonderful thing, but also... nobody does Juju quite like Juju does, so it seems like a cheap copy.

IT FACTOR: 3

She has personality and talent, I'll give her that. What she lacks is SMOLDER. She is definitely a star. Is she THE star? No.

PITHINESS: 4

Everything she says is delightful and funny. I love her personality - one of my favorites.

POLISH: 3

She's good, but she's middle of the road. I look at her and say "wow, she's a perfectly ordinary woman."

FINAL SCORE: 20

#8. JASMINE MASTERS

Lovechild of DiDa Ritz and Sahara Davenport
Gorgeous. Body for days. Love the looks. Where'd her personality go?

ATTITUDE: 5

She's sweet and fun and genuinely seems to love being exactly where she is every second. I love that about her.

FASHION SENSE: 3

Boring-to-poor. Until the nude reveal, I lover her mainstage, but then that damn ugly fringe. And the midriff spring look would've been great... had it not been the exact same thing she showed up to the workroom wearing. Makeup is on - holy shit is that young Whitney? - wigs are cute (I love that she rocks the short hair).

INDIVIDUALITY: 2.5

While her look is completely different than anyone else on this show, it's still not anything special for me.

IT FACTOR: 3

In still photos - like the one above - she's one of the top three queens of the season. But on camera she is stiff and uninteresting and what the hell was that butterfly-coccoon debacle?!

PITHINESS: 3

Half of what she says I'm like "WTF?" The other half I think she's fun and quirky.

POLISH: 4

Jasmine is one of the most fully realized characters on the show this year, and I like the character she portrays. I wish her taste level were a bit higher, but overall I'm not mad at what she does.

FINAL SCORE: 20.5

#7. KENNEDY DAVENPORT

Lovechild of Coco Montrese and Alyssa Edwards
Beautiful, stately, professional. She's a class act and I'm sure she is used to winning pageants. She does know this isn't a pageant, right?

ATTITUDE: 4

One of the two patent professionals on this show. She doesn't compare herself to others, she doesn't feel the need to be shady or spiteful. She's direct and respectful and honest and tasteful. And when she does weigh in, you listen. I'm still GAGGING over her Violet Chachki read on Untucked: "We come from two different generations. You out there with that boy body... in my generation, that's a complete no-no."

FASHION SENSE: 4

Everything about her screams tasteful. Her outfits were all gorgeous - GREAT use of color, her wigs are stunning. Her makeup is stunning. She could go out in drag during the daytime and not get clocked.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

Though I love her impeccable combination of grace and ego, I do find she blends into the background.

IT FACTOR: 3

Even still, when she's on screen I find her marvelous. I don't miss her when she's not center stage. But I love her when she is.

PITHINESS: 3

Her sayings are all a little cliché and she doesn't give me anything Alyssa and Coco didn't offer a couple years ago. But she's still fun to listen to.

POLISH: 5

Bitch. Knows. Her. Product. And. Sells. It. To. Me. Another fully-realized character, but this one has taste for centuries.

FINAL SCORE: 21

#6. MAX

Lovechild of Milk and Detox
One of the most truly original contestants in years, I have so far enjoyed everything Max has done! One of the standouts to me pre-season. I love the character, I love the dedication to what she does. And again - truly, truly original.

ATTITUDE: 5

Happy. Upbeat. Supportive. Though she hasn't had a lot of screen time yet, I think she'll turn out to be one of the fan favorites this year. She's my pick for Miss Congeniality.

FASHION SENSE: 4

I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. the old Hollywood sensibility, and also that there's a young drag queen trying to do silver-haired, period drag. I also really enjoy that Max, though tall and super skinny, plays with the dimensions of his body. I like that all his looks were very well put together, and that he uses different padding for different looks. Sometimes he has hips, sometimes he has boobs, sometimes he has both, sometimes he has neither. I don't like, however, that I can't forget he is, in fact, a boy.

INDIVIDUALITY: 5

Probably the most original cast member since Sharon. Nobody who has been on the show yet has done what she does, and unlike Milk, who was also very original, it doesn't seem like she is trying super hard to think outside the box. She just does.

IT FACTOR: 3

I think she is mostly very charming and fun to watch, but to pull off such a grand character you need a lot of guts, and I think she's still amassing hers. Doesn't quite have the gumption, yet, that she's going to need when the pack starts to dwindle down and the other girls start to pick apart what they don't understand. I think Max is going to get her feelings hurt a lot toward the middle of the season.

PITHINESS: 3

I enjoy what she says and think she's very funny, though she's not quite on target every time she tries to be. In this way she reminds me a lot of Pandora - ALMOST perfect with the quips and bon mots... but not quite there.

POLISH: 2

Her wigs need work and her nude breastplate was very lopsided. But then again, she walked the runway in polio crutches... which took a LOT of skill. But I hearken back to an earlier complaint of mine: I can't forget she's a boy.

FINAL SCORE: 21

#5. MISS FAME

Lovechild of Raja and Courtney Act
Some of the best makeup skills to ever grace the show (she is RIGHT up there with Raja and Raven). Out-of-this-world beautiful certainly is a great descriptor she has chosen for herself. But I predict she will be the first contestant ever to hear the criticism "STOP RELYING ON THAT FACE!"

ATTITUDE: 3

It IS a competition, but I think in these super early stages there is such a thing as TOO competitive. I don't like how much she is already comparing herself to other girls. While I think she or Katya should've been the winner instead of Violet, I thought her reaction was a little over the top when she didn't win. Of course, it may have been edited that way as well.

FASHION SENSE: 5

She knows how to melt your retinas right out of your head, that much is true. I like that her looks were extremely varied, completely perfect, and each time she wore the garment: it NEVER wore her. She is honestly a supermodel. I love that.

INDIVIDUALITY: 2

But, super pretty supermodels have come and gone every season and I'm never that impressed with them (okay, I did drink the Courtney Act koolaid). But they don't win the show - not since Raja, anyway. And that's the thing about Miss Fame that bothers me most: she basically IS Raja, but prettier.

IT FACTOR: 4

But... It works for her. Her on camera work outside of the show is captivating, and I found myself looking forward to her or Katya on every challenge. When she was on screen, I did not want it to end. I craved her presence.

PITHINESS: 3

I'm surprised to have a contestant who is SO pretty also be SO quick. Though I want her to be careful not to stray into bitchtown (and she's already been dubbed by many fans as one of the "Plastics" with Violet and Katya).

POLISH: 5

One of the most solid, professional, completely packaged products to hit the stage this year.

FINAL SCORE: 23

#4. TRIXIE MATTEL

Lovechild of Sharon Needles and Alaska Thunderfuck
Okay, so she doesn't attempt to serve any Realness, but that is exactly her game and she is GOOD at it. I loved the Barbie-doll privates she painted onto herself for this challenge. I thought it was an excellent and funny way to balance her character. I love that, with Max, we have a truly original performer this year whose schtick has not yet been seen (at this level) on the show.

ATTITUDE: 4

I like that she's funny AND competitive, and although she's not been the absolute NICEST to the other queens, she's not been a raging bitch either. She seems to be right where she needs to be - focused on her own game, and nobody else's.

FASHION SENSE: 4

Okay, that number-print dress up there is fantastic. That bow is flawless. That wig is amazing. She's accessorized ENOUGH, but not too much - this is how all of her looks have been so far: perfectly unique while still following the rules of taste and class. And though she's another queen (like Bianca and Sharon) whose makeup is stylized and probably going to remain pretty constant throughout the season, still... Bianca and Sharon both WON with that.

INDIVIDUALITY: 5

Just like Max, she's one of the most original characters to hit the show in a while. Why NOT be a Barbie doll drag queen, complete with doll parts and doll face?! And she's consistent. She's also very fun on camera - as a boy AND as a girl.

IT FACTOR: 4

Leading into the season, she was one of the most talked about Queens. In interviews, shows, etc etc all the other queens referenced her. And there's a reason. She has a great combination of a polished and specific product, room to grow and try new things, and a competitive enough attitude to make her work hard, but enough confidence to know where her side of the street ends.

PITHINESS: 4

Almost every "confessional booth" moment she had made me laugh out loud. "I pretty much pride myself on using NONE of my actual parts."

POLISH: 4

What she does, she does very well. Though her bodysuit boobies were a little lopsided, I knew exactly what she was doing with her Barbie privates without her having to explain, and the way she paints her face literally does make her look like a giant, moving toy. Again: perhaps a little too specific a product, but what she does she does VERY well.

FINAL SCORE: 25

#3. MRS. KASHA DAVIS
Lovechild of Chad Michaels and Bianca Del Rio
Gorgeous. Classy. Professional. Funny. She rounds out the top three because, like the other two, she obviously sharpened all of her weapons before heading out to Drag Race. And it shows. She is going to glide almost effortlessly to the finale.

ATTITUDE: 5

Like Kennedy, she's a patent professional who knows EXACTLY where she stands in the crowd. But where Kennedy's persona gives off a "nuh uh, Gurl, don't come for me" persona, Kasha's persona is very "please come for me. I don't want to hurt you, but I will!" Also, in her confessional moments, the expressions she makes with her face are to die for.

FASHION SENSE: 5

Kasha Davis knows her proportions VERY well. Her stuff is classic and drag-y, and yet still exciting and fresh. Even in the look above - nothing I haven't seen before, and yet the details are all REMARKABLE to the point where I'm not at all mad that it may be a little "dated." Her makeup is FLAWLESS: I would honestly believe that was someone's mother. Her wigs are just styled enough that they don't like fresh-from-the-bag, but they also look like they could actually be real hair instead of some vaseline-d fantasy hair.

INDIVIDUALITY: 3

Like Chad, I see her more as a perfected version of an old favorite product, rather than someone forging fascinating and exotic new paths. She represents, to me, an extremely fine example of an older generation of Drag. So while she is not the new millenium's harbinger, she is absolutely a beacon that says "hey, bitches. We are still VERY relevant over here."

IT FACTOR: 5

Look at the photo above. I don't know about you, but I can't take my eyes off of her. During her Meet the Queens video, I fell INSTANTLY in love with her character and her vision and her act. On the runway, she was an absolute BLAZE of glory. And when she did her reveal, even though her bodysuit was so orange it could've been used as Coco Montrese's highlighter, I still believed it was her body. She moved as though it was. I was totally convinced.

PITHINESS: 4

Mark my words: she's going to be VERY fun to watch this season. There'll be some classic zingers on par with "Go back to Party City where you belong"

POLISH: 5

She has obviously spent YEARS doing this, and her version of the artform is absolutely perfect. I can draw a LOT of parallels to Chad Michaels here. My only worry with her is that she may not be quite as versatile as the show often demands. Her very specific vision of her art is flawless, but it may not be enough.

FINAL SCORE: 27

#2. GINGER MINJ

Lovechild of Delta Work and Pandora Boxx
She's VERY smart, VERY funny, and like the rest of the Top Three, she has entered the competition at the top of her game. She is the first big bitch since Delta to REALLY know how to combine fashion with curves, and I love her level of competitiveness: enough to make you know she's hungry, not enough to make it tiresome.

ATTITUDE: 4

She's fiercely competitive, but doesn't let everyone else know every chance she gets. She's hilarious and judgemental, but not in a way that's cruel or begs comparison. Overall, I think she's just bitchy enough to be a riot, while not crossing the line and becoming downright CUNTY.

FASHION SENSE: 4

As I said: first big girl since Delta to bring me some fashion. Though her looks were a little similar this time around, they all looked amazing and I thought she was absolutely one of the best nude illusions this week. Her wigs look like they could really be her hair, and her transformation from homely boy to GORGEOUS juicy model is nothing short of a masterpiece.

INDIVIDUALITY: 5

She's refreshing because she's sarcastic and sardonic without becoming MEAN. She stands out by the things she manages to slip into conversation, and by interjecting just enough personality, but not TOO MUCH, into everything she does. There's not another girl on her level this year, except perhaps Katya.

IT FACTOR: 5

Her screen presence is to die for. It's like she GLOWS whenever she's on screen. Her smiles, her eyebrow arches, the pursing of her lips - it's all incredibly captivating.

PITHINESS: 5

I would never want to do something to make the glamour toad read me. Because I get the feeling I would never be able to get back up.

POLISH: 5

She knows her face backward and forward. She knows her body inch by motherfucking inch. I guarantee she is going to win the first "make an outfit out of candy wrappers" challenge, because she obviously knows how to make anything a Ginger Minj custom work.

FINAL SCORE: 28

#1. KATYA

Lovechild of Willam and Raven
She's the sarcastic queen with a razor sharp wit. She's got a number of talents at her disposal. She dresses like a dream and can be both fishy and drag-y. She's The Queen who will, at long last, win the crown that neither Willam nor Raven did... but should have.

ATTITUDE: 5

She's fucking stunning and serves up KILLER body-ody-ody, but never brags about being beautiful and is humble about her body. She's sharp-tongued and quick, but makes her remarks that makes the other queens LAUGH, not reel. She doesn't care a fuck what the rest of them are doing, but also doesn't try and pretend they don't exist. She is EVERYTHING.

FASHION SENSE: 4

Her Soviet flag workroom look blew me away. Her spring look blew me away. Her fall look blew me away. Her runway reveal blew me away. She wears colors in a way that says "yeah, I know red is my color. But did you know I could wear neon green, too?" Her looks are simple, but don't read that way - they're calculated, meticulously crafted, and if you really look at the details its obvious they were not as simple to put together as they look.

INDIVIDUALITY: 5

From the first day the Meet the Queens videos were released, Katya was a standout to me. She's like a gorgeous standup comedian who models fashion in her spare time, steals the dresses, then sells them on ebay to buy plastic surgery. Hers was one of three that made me laugh out loud, and I watched hers three times before moving onto the next one. I've been hoping these last couple of months that she would be just as dynamic come show time and she did not disappoint.

IT FACTOR: 5

Katya was one of the most filmed and quoted people in last night's episode. She weighed in on just about everything from her confessional booth. They cut to her reactions pretty consistently. You'll also notice she appears in just about half the clips from the peeks into the rest of the season. There's a good reason for this: the camera absolutely LOVES Katya.

PITHINESS: 5

"Not even tricks at home see my naked body. I have one candle burning in the farthest corner of the room." It's lines like these that will cement her for years to come as one of the favorite queens on the show.

POLISH: 5

There wasn't a damn thing wrong with ANYTHING she did on last night's episode. That she was merely safe was a complete shock to me: her outfits in all three runways were CLEAR frontrunners in my book. I just don't think there's ANYTHING bad that can be said about her yet. She's the closest to perfect on the show this year.

FINAL SCORE: 29

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