Liberal Censorship: How Liberal Activism Died

Once upon a time, I was a dyed-in-the-wool Activist. I would meet with leaders and lawmakers to try and make them see things in a way they had never seen them. I fought for equality and rights. I marched. I rallied. I protested. Often it was at the top of my lungs, demanding to be heard. Screaming and fighting go hand-in-hand, and believe you-me, it was a fight. Sometimes the point was to make a scene simply so there would be witnesses, the hope being that collective conscience would win the day and, with all eyes on them, the nemeses would crumble to the ground and reveal bright, shining new allies. Sometimes the point was to make someone see that a life-or-death situation really was life-or-death, not just an imagined danger looming ever on the horizon.

And I was fully aware then, too, of how "easy" I had it. There were men and women who fought for my rights TO fight - hell, to LIVE. Some gave their lives, others were taken. A plague had been allowed to ravage my people just a decade and a half before, and people who watched more friends die in six years than I had yet made in the world continued the fight and the message. There was a time when there were more memories than there were warriors. The very fact that I had "allies" was my advantage over my predecessors.

In those days, the fight was different. We could no longer be fired for being gay, but we could still be denied a job. We could identify as gay, but we could not assemble on school or government property under a "gay" name. We could teach abstinence in school, but we had to learn the do's and don'ts of gay sex and safe sex on our own time - often by painful trial-and-error. We could still be labeled as "sex offenders" simply by dating someone whose parents weren't supportive of the relationship. We spent our time begging movies and TV and books and the media in general to show gay people as loving, respected couples rather than lonely, predatory comic relief. I remember Ellen coming out on TV. I remember the first gay kiss on prime time. I remember how it felt, for the first time, to be visible.

In that time, I said and did a lot of offensive things. I kissed men and women I didn't know in front of strangers. I dressed provocatively in an amalgam of men's and women's clothing at an age that was probably "too young." I fought to wear a pink triangle badge on my shirt when we did Cabaret, to remind the audience it wasn't just the Jews who knew the horrors of genocide. I wrote hyper-sexual poetry that used curse words and racial slurs and epithets. I nearly sued the school board for the right to have the word "gay" in the name of a school-sanctioned club. I made. A LOT. Of people. Very angry.

And I can even remember the very moment I decided I was no longer an Activist. It was when I attended an on-campus meeting of a so-called "activist" group made up of a dozen cisgendered white people. The discussion revolved around the rights of bicyclists to ride in the MIDDLE of a lane on the HIGHWAY, rather than on the shoulder. I stated that if I were driving on a winding road and was faced with the split-second decision to hit a bicyclist in my lane or hit an oncoming car, I would WITHOUT QUESTION hit the bicyclist. I was literally screamed at for fifteen minutes before the group decided we should picket outside of taco bell because they underpaid their tomato farmers in Hawaii. I was asked not to join (which was actually more a relief than anything else) unless I would admit being wrong for my beliefs on OTHER topics. That was the nail in my Activism coffin.

Today's fight is a far cry from the fight of my youth. Today we fight for the right to marry in the REST of the states. Today we fight for the right to adopt children, to keep custody in divorces, to be able to donate blood. When I was young I never imagined I'd even be able to get married. Now I can, in most of the US. I never dreamed there were gay people who had children and families. I am now friends with HUNDREDS.

But today's fight also gets bogged down in minutiae: HEY, HE CAN'T USE THAT WORD! SHE CAN'T SAY THAT! THAT'S OFFENSIVE STOP IT. SOMEONE MIGHT GET HURT BY THAT WORD, STOP IT! I'M OFFENDED. WELL OKAY I'M NOT REALLY BUT SHE MIGHT BE AND SHE'S STANDING NEXT TO ME SO STOP IT!

Can we just take a minute here to discuss a principle that modern activism (rightfully) harps on constantly? It's called privilege. Once upon a time we fought for the right to be recognized as something other than sexual predators suffering from a mental illness. Now we have the privilege of whining about namecalling.

Too often I see my community begin to foam at the mouth because of a WORD or a PHRASE. And what's worse, we demonize EACH OTHER for not being equally politically correct at all times. RuPaul - undoubtedly one of the five most powerful and influential people in our entire worldwide community - becomes the target of untold vitriol and hatred because of a made up phrase/word she uses on her show. ON HER WILDLY POPULAR SHOW... THAT HAS ELEVATED DRAG TO A WIDELY ACCEPTED PERFORMANCE ART. THAT HAS MADE DRAG QUEENS INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

As far as I'm concerned, RuPaul can say whatever the fuck she wants. She has MORE THAN earned that right in my eyes.

What's really terrifying is that we, as a community, are espousing the very same value that used to threaten our very existence. Remember when the word "gay" was a bad word? Remember when "gay" people being in television or movies or anything at all was considered profligate and dangerous and pornographic? I do. Barely, but I remember it. I remember when Colorado voted NO on protecting the rights of gay people in the workplace. I remember when television syndicates refused to air Ellen on the grounds her show was too "adult" and "immoral" to be seen by young people.

I'm sick of seeing my community up in arms over WORDS. Words are just that - they are abstract concepts with no corporeal form. If you walk into the woods and call a tree a "bush," it does NOTHING to that tree. Go. Try it. Tell the tree it's a bush. Every single day. If the tree dies, it wasn't the word that killed it, it was something else. The word has no power over the tree because the tree A. cannot internalize it, and B. knows it's a fucking tree and so it acts accordingly.

No matter who you choose, there is nobody who is qualified to decide what can and cannot be said. And when we demand for the cancellation of shows, for the firing of employees, for the eradication of "hate speech," we may think we are doing ourselves a favor, but in reality we are doing ourselves a disservice. It is just as easy to ban the word "faggot" as it is to ban the word "gay." It is just as easy to fire someone for saying the word "she's a dyke" as it is to fire them for saying the word "I'm a lesbian." We cannot draw a line in the sand when it comes to language, because anyone who can speak or write or communicate can manipulate that line. With enough support, that pendulum could swing back on us in a very ugly fashion.

Censorship is dangerous. Censorship is a WEAPON OF GENOCIDE. Period.

And beyond that - we should be teaching our youth that they are stronger than labels and words. It doesn't matter what verbal weapons are thrown at them - they will not hurt. When we fight for the right to never feel offended, when our rights have been hard fought by offending others, we are displaying the very ultimate in hypocrisy. We are telling our youth that someone calling them a "faggot" affects them. Hurts them. Well guess what? There hasn't been a single month of my life - EVER - when I haven't been called a faggot. EVER. It never stops. If I had been taught at a young age that this word could damage me, I'd have sustained a lot of extra damage by now.

Also I, for one, find it comforting to know exactly who my enemies are. If the Republican Party ever stopped demonizing us, thousands of our "supporters" would flock to them to save a little money. Hell I'd probably vote Republican once in a while if only they didn't hate the gays and women and immigrants so much. But how would I know the extent to which they hate gays, women and ethnic people if they didn't - CONSTANTLY - state it?

Harvey Milk - one of our patron saints, I daresay - often said that "hope is never silent." He believed that visibility was our most powerful tool, and in a large way that has proven true. My visibility as a gay man at a young age helped change a LOT of hearts and minds - men and women that used to "pray for my soul" and were convinced I was diseased and in pain now campaign for equality and vote against candidates who demonize our people. I did that. I was not alone, but you bet your ass there's a part of them that remembers little gay-ol-me. And I offended every. single. fucking. one of them. at some point.

Furthermore, I now currently work as an openly gay man in an industry that is OVERWHELMINGLY straight-white-Republican-men. And I'm fucking THRIVING. There isn't a day goes by that I don't have to fight for my right to be at the top of the heap. And ya know what? I am right there at the top as often as not, and have never been very far away from it even when I'm not Alpha Dog. I have proven beyond a doubt to everyone that has seen me that I am just as capable of greatness, that there is absolutely NOTHING about me that precludes me from success. I can do EVERYTHING they can do. And many of them probably didn't believe someone like me existed this time last year. I also don't care what anyone says about me, and recognize that deep down, it's their actions, not their words, that matter.

Oddly enough, I get in more fights with "Liberal" people over the right to say what I want than I do with "Conservative" people over my right to exist.

Do me a favor, my fellow Liberals: quit caring so fucking much what other people say about you. The more power you give them, the more power they will take. If you simply must be offended by something recognize this: there are people that are offended by you, too. Does that mean you should think/speak/act differently to please them?

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE SEASON SIX: The Predictions!

Yes, my loves, it is that time of year again when we all start saying "Hunty" and "Darling" and "Gurrrrrrrrrrl" to one another a lot more. It's the season wherein we GAG on ELEGANZA, we LIVE for what is being SERVED, and we all crave MUG, FISH, and BODY-ODY-ODY.

RuPaul's Drag Race has returned for it's sixth season.

As most of you reading this probably already know, I'm kinda sorta FAMOUS for my annual predictions, which are usually pretty damn spot on (I did accurately predict 3 of the top 4 last year after a single episode). This year I had to watch TWO episodes to see all the queens - I often find the pre-season materials to be an inaccurate depiction of their ACTUAL skill levels - so it feels like the predictions are a little late. Be warned: this post contains spoilers about the first two episodes.

The following predictions are based not only on the girls' work thus far in the competition, but on extensive online research (into their drag careers, not trolling through the internet trying to discover leaked information), as well as careful study of teasers, trailers, and the opening credits of Untucked. I also take into account the formulaic nature of previous seasons, as well as the fates of previous queens whose behavior garnered them accolades or... acco-SHADEs. I have seen their audition tapes, I have seen their work before and since the announcement of the cast. I have studied these girls intently.

BRING ME MY... PREDICTIONS...

TOO SOON WE SAY GOODBYE:
THE GIRLS WHO HAVE ALREADY LEFT US!

#14. KELLY MANTLE

the lovechild of Pandora Boxx and Alyssa Edwards

THAT ON WHICH I GAGGED: Kelly is a well-known, respected LA queen. She is naturally funny and quick-witted. And though her persona can be bitchy, she does so with enough class and with enough heart that it never feels cruel. She's a little Carol Burnett, she's a little Joanna Lumley, and her Marilyn illusion is stellar.

THAT WHICH WAS BUSTED: Kelly, darling... how did you do drag for 17 years without learning how to hot glue an outfit together or style a wig? Adore Delano at least has enough sense to obscure her wash-and-wear-hair with a funny hat... did you think you were going to skate through on your reputation?!

BITCH SHOULDA DONE: Kelly should have brought her weapons sharpened and at the ready. Even her lipsynch was lackluster and disappointing. I almost believe she and her good gal-pal Willam Belli had a bet going that she could get eliminated faster. She was right. But there's hope - her MASSIVE following and support from Celebriqueens like Coco Peru may just land her a spot on All Stars 2 coming this summer.

#13. MAGNOLIA CRAWFORD

the lovechild of Phoenix and Tammy Brown

THAT ON WHICH I GAGGED: I will say this about her - I LOVE her concept. "I love things that are so hideously ugly... they're beautiful." Yes! Like Crocs, or Jiggly Caliente!

THAT WHICH WAS BUSTED: Just about everything. I could have done a better job in this competition, using only my current wardrobe and skill.

BITCH SHOULDA DONE: I can't even tell you. Honestly, Magnolia, you were quite possibly the single worst contestant in the show's history - and I still remember Serena ChaCha, Nicole Paige Brooks AND Shangela. I think if she had brought her quirky, bizarre outlook on drag with a more positive attitude and enough humility to say "I could learn from this" she could have... no. Nope. She wasn't pretty, she wasn't funny, she wasn't particularly interesting. Guess whose fan-following is NOT going to get her on All Stars 2?

WHEN TEAM-VIDEO CHALLENGES ATTACK: 

THE DRY QUEENS AND THE PRIMA DONNAS

Historically, the initial "make couture out of caca" challenge gives way to a bevvy of themed video challenges, paired with runways that are meant to show off the pre-existing wardrobes of the queens. These challenges efficiently eliminate the queens who seem to be totally unable to step out of their comfort zones.

#12. VI VACIOUS

the lovechild of Latrice Royale and The Princess

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Vi Vacious, being the venerable New York Club Kid she is, can SERVE it hunny. Leave it to a Ball Queen - and not no Mariah, nor an Alexis Mateo - to stomp a runway, serve up some piping hot Face Casserole, and burn a hole in your memory: whether it went off as planned or not, her entrance is going down in history with Raja's as one of the most memorable.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: The Execution. Vi's ideas are golden, her pedigree is undeniable, and if nothing else, her personality is fiery and fascinating... but her ability to bring that spark to her craft is lacking. Her outfits are *almost* ferocious, with a distinctly homemade flavor not unlike Carrie White's prom dress.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: Vi represents a side of drag that cannot be ignored, and has been all-but-ignored on the show: The Ball Queen. Drag reached - some would say it's apotheosis - in the NYC Ball scene, where it was less about a flawless female illusion and more about a stagger and a swagger, a sharp tongue and facial intensity. The comparisons she has already received to figures like Pepper LaBeija suit her nicely. Vi serves us that world better than anyone before her. If, for a change of pace, Ru pays less attention to the purely aesthetic aspects of drag and considers the next Drag Superstar's grasp of it's history and culture, Vi has this on lockdown. Unfortunately, based on the celebrity judge lineup for this season... I can already tell she DOESN'T.

#11. TRINITY K BONET

the lovechild of Tyra Sanchez and Mariah

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Her makeup is masterful. Her looks are both mesmerizing and tasteful. Her hairstyles are inventive. And she pulls it all off effortlessly. She may be young, but this gurl is well-taught, and has been carefully training for this day. She is part of the generation who grew up preparing herself for RPDR, and it shows.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: Besides that grill (to quote Jujubee: is the barbecue cancelled?) Trinity's attitude is all wrong. Every year there's the queen who takes herself and her ART so fucking seriously that she underestimates those who have found the humor in taping their penises up their asses and drawing boobs on their bodies. They spend the competition deciding what the other queens should and should not do, and mistake self-respect for indignance. She has already shown her propensity for both behaviors, which I find extremely unattractive in a drag queen. Combine that with an on-camera dullness to match Vivienne Pinay yawn-for-yawn, and you just know this bitch will lose a lipsynch.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: She IS talented. VERY talented. In a season that is dominated by comedy queens, she might learn a thing or two about lightening up and punching up the camp. And she is obviously HUNGRY for this crown. She could be this year's recipient of the "most growth" award, which is usually enough to get someone into the top four.

#10. JOSLYN FOX

lovechild of Jessica Wild and Rebecca Glasscock

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Despite the editors' best efforts to make her appear annoying, vapid, and flighty, I actually find Joslyn delightful. Her laugh is effervescent, her sweetness is genuine and enduring. And beyond that, she gives even the great Courtney Act a run for her money in the legs-and-ass department. Plus, her corny jokes ARE funny, and when she talks about her outfit during Untucked, I realized that she is very self-aware, and very much in on the joke that is her persona.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: Her taste level could use some improvement. She needs to do some reading on the subject of Coco Chanel and her philosophies on fashion.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: When she is on, she is a total stunner. And whether the judges liked it or not, I definitely saw and appreciated the concept in her initial outfit. It's also refreshing to see someone on TV who is enthusiastic and bubbly - though I do love Bianca, I think her incessant ennui will get old. I don't think Joslyn's magical world-view will get old any time soon.

#9. GIA GUNN

the lovechild of Manila Luzon and Shannel

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Gia is the visual epitome of drag. Her ability to play with proportion, to seamlessly blend the absurd and the fabulous, and her ability to quickly, sharply, and fairly read a bitch are definitely huge assets in the competition. I actually don't think she comes off as a bitch, and I've agreed with just about every word she has spoken thus far. Plus, she is one of the best we've ever seen on the show at taking something surprising - like a hula hoop purse - and SELLING IT as if it were the next big thing.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: She is the unfortunate recipient of this year's Dead In The Eyes award. While her fiery personality can be fun to watch, there's something unnerving about the fact that it never touches her eyes. Beyond that, she has a slight fixation on what the other queens are doing - and that's energy that would be best spent on her own side of the line.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: Gia surprised me quite a bit in this first episode. Going into the season, I saw her as middle-of-the-pack at best. After the first two episodes, I see her as a front-runner. She's one of the more polished  queens in the pack. She could continue to surprise me, however I do have a sinking suspicion her on-camera abilities will be her downfall.

IT'S ALL IN THE DETAILS: THE GREEN, THE MUSTY AND THE STUBBORN

Season after season, a huge turning point in the competition comes in the form of... The Snatch Game - which is almost always the challenge presented to the Top Eight. And now we have the new tradition of the RuPaul Roast to look forward to as well. After proving that they can make a dress out of styrofoam cups, and they can read sexual innuendo on camera in a costume of Ru's choosing, this point in the competition forces the girls to reveal their hands card-by-card. It also pushes them into situations that are honestly INCREDIBLY difficult - celebrity impersonation, stand-up comedy, politics, etc etc. It is at this point that those who came expecting to rest on their crutches are revealed and destroyed.

#8. ADORE DELANO

the lovechild of Shangela and DiDa Ritz

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: I didn't expect to like Adore. And I don't. I LOVE her. As a friend of mine pointed out, she is the epitome of little boy dressing up in mommy's clothes for fun. Her charm is unmatched this season - it seems pretty damn impossible to hate her. Even when she's talking in her "I'm a dumb girl" voice, she's telling jokes about Heatherette. When her mouth is hanging open in a drooling, vacuous pout, her eyes have a sharp sparkle to them. She's got that weird-kid-trying-to-be-a-popular-kid-while-making-fun-of-them flavor to her, which I find ever so appealing.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: There isn't anything about Adore I would call "busted." She needs polish and experience. If this were a competition made up entirely of drag queens under two years old, Adore would destroy. Sadly, she's up against queens who have been doing this as long as she's been alive. By comparison, her wigs, her makeup, her dresses - everything looks a little shabbier than it is.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: Last year we had the Coco-Alyssa storyline to keep us guessing from week to week. This year they are setting Adore and Laganja up to be the rivalry of the season. While I do believe Laganja is further along in her development as of the start of this season, I see a star in Adore with whom Laganja will only be able to compete for a limited time. Adore WILL overtake her. I just don't believe it will be this season. But I'm almost CERTAIN we will see Adore in All Stars.

#7. DARIENNE LAKE

the lovechild of Delta Work and Jinkx Monsoon

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Darienne may be the funniest queen ever to grace the show. Seriously, though Ben Delacreme and Bianca Del Rio are both gut-busters this year, I split a seam every time Darienne is on camera, whether speaking or mugging. She's got a sophisticated understanding of herself as a person, and that brings with it a charm that cannot be tamed. Also, her tits are the best in the competition - not just because they're real, but because she knows EXACTLY how to use them. I'm also in love with her ability to be aggressive without seeming aggressive, to be competitive without seeming competitive, and to be humble without seeming humble.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: Unfortunately, like big girls of seasons past, her size gets in the way of her fashion sense. Her outfit for this latest episode was horrendous, and I knew the moment she hit the runway she'd be lipsynching.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: but WHAT a lipsynch! I could not take my eyes off of her. It helps that she was paired with a HORRIBLE queen who basically stuck a mop handle in her ass and got face down on the stage, but even against a strong competitor I think Darienne would have slayed. With a lipsynch of that caliber - spot on, funny, passionate - she is going to be difficult to bump out.

#6. MILK

the lovechild of Sharon Needles and Raja

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Her ideas are wild and a little uncomfortable. Her silhouette is fantastic - like Jack Skellington with tits!. And she is brave and constantly thinking of ways to push the envelope. Her confidence in her own abilities is compelling, and she makes a stunning man to boot!

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: She is basically Sharon Needles 2.0. If this were season 4 all over again, Milk would be the winner, and Sharon would get on the show and appear boring and outdated. They even look the same in drag.

THAT WHICH *MIGHT* BE TURNED: Just like Sharon and her constant ability to push the envelope and surprise me, Milk will be a fascinating figure to watch. I suspect she will always bring her A game, but then her comfort zone is making others uncomfortable. Eventually I think it will get old, mostly because we've seen this before.

FEROCIOUS COMPETITION: THE ONES TO BEAT

I find episodes around this point in the season to be ever-so-slightly heartbreaking. There's always one girl I'm craving to see sent home whom I know will be in the top three, and I'm watching girls that I love get sacrificed for tiny mistakes. Usually, there are challenge winners and losers with whom I severely disagree. So I bear in mind that my own personal tastes and RuPaul's differ greatly. This is where the pressure begins to take its toll, and the real crazy starts to bloom. 

#5. LAGANJA ESTRANJA

the lovechild of Yara Sofia and Jade Jolie

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Laganja has a wonderful, weirdo quality about her. Whereas Milk, like Sharon Needles, tried endlessly to be subversive and shocking, Laganja just IS those things. Coming out of the first photo challenge (which she very deservedly won) and getting back into boy drag only to apply jet black lipstick? I fucking LOVED it. Her strange and unnerving wig paired with a totally unnecessary Elizabethan collar?! It was as if she was a Japanese horror heroine whose hair could strangle you to death. I'm also impressed by her immaculate transformations - her face and her look are wonderfully chameleonic, I don't always recognize her in photos. She would be  that kooky, shocking character even as an Executive Assistant or a Paralegal. She is such a natural on camera and in character...

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: ...that it's sad when she constantly tries so damn hard. Its understandable when your drag mother is Alyssa Edwards, proud owner of more quotable RPDR memories than any two other queens combined, but what Laganja needs to internalize is that, just like she doesn't have to try to be weird and edgy, Alyssa doesn't have to try to be punchy.

BITCH MIGHT WIN IF...: she spends this competition listening, watching and learning as much as she does talking.

BUT SHE BETTAH WATCH OUT FOR...: Adore. I think their positions are very reversible. One of them will last much longer than the other in the competition. I'm betting on Laganja because her rough edges still haven't shown. But Adore could just as easily continue to surprise me. And should they reverse positions, I think Adore has a better chance of taking it all the way than Laganja - Ms. Pothead has already demonstrated a propensity for drama, which will get her eliminated late in the game if she doesn't learn to reel that in.

#4. BEN DELACREME

the lovechild of Tammy Brown and Alaska Thvnderfvck

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Ben's character is so well crafted, so well played. His transformation is so thorough. And he does an incredible job of being utterly delightful the whole time. His smile is the best on the show, his attitude is wonderful. And he is obviously extraordinarily talented - to make something tasteful and gorgeous out of Golden Girls props... wow. And that black-and-white-checkered sun hat he was wearing to greet the other seven girls... WOW.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: nothing whatsoever. My decision to place him fourth comes from a feeling that Michelle Visage is going to take a disliking to him, based on her critiques thus far. But Ben's is a character and an illusion that is expertly - no, PERFECTLY - pulled off.

BITCH MIGHT WIN IF...: nobody quite notices her... proximity to last year's winner. Ben and Jinkx are very close gal pals. Luckily Ben is a LOT stronger in the hard skills of the craft than Jinkx was, so he won't have to deal with the incessant bullying that Jinkx did.

BUT SHE BETTAH WATCH OUT FOR...: Bianca del Rio. Though their humor is totally opposite, Bianca and Ben have a lot of similarities - both have a ton of taste of the ability to construct a look. Both have already won a main challenge. And both lean VERY hard on their comedy to keep them afloat. The major reason I rank Bianca above Ben is that Bianca's particular brand of acid humor is pretty much NEW to the show, whereas Ben reminds me an awful lot of Jinkx in terms of his tone.

#3. BIANCA DEL RIO

the lovechild of PhiPhi O'Hara and Chad Michaels

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: I'm going to sound biased and toot my own horn at the same time - mastering the art of being sweet and totally cunty at the same time is HARD WORK. I can appreciate it when I see someone who has also mastered both. Plus his hard skills are to die for - that dress was... transcendent.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: Bianca is the only top-four with an obvious weakness - despite her ability to make jokes about it, her makeup skills are honestly jarring and off-putting. GURL YOU BETTAH SISSY DAT FACE! She's SO CLOSE to looking fabulous that is almost hurts to see her not quite make it.

BITCH MIGHT WIN IF...: she continues on the path she's on now. She keeps other queens off her tracks by being just scary enough and just sweet enough at the same time. They won't come for her because they at once know 1. If I hurt her feelings I'd lose a powerful ally, and 2. If she decides to fight back, I WILL lose.

BUT SHE BETTAH WATCH OUT FOR...: Ben Delacreme. He's overall a little stronger at the drag game than Bianca, and though I personally appreciate Bianca's sense of humor more, I think Ben's humor is just as strong, just as rehearsed, just as solid in his persona.

#2. APRIL CARRION

the lovechild of Nina Flowers and Morgan McMichaels

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: She came in dragging a parachute behind her and not wearing a wig. It was at once brave and strange, and the fact that she looked like a gorgeous extra from a remake of Addicted to Love just cinches the deal. Plus she is a pleasure to watch speak or interact.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: She needs to be a little more consistently positive. There's the possibility for whininess that ought not continue much longer.

BITCH MIGHT WIN IF...: The last few episodes involve truly mind-bending challenges. Of all 14 queens, I think April did the best with what she was given to work with. She made duck dynasty into a goddess with epaulettes and a purse that wouldn't hold anything but a rubber duck.

BUT SHE BETTAH WATCH OUT FOR...: I think April is the dark horse of this competition (yes, Joslyn, DARK horse), and doesn't have a whole lot to worry about. So long as she applies herself, she will last a long time. She's beautiful, creative, and fun to watch. Ru will hold onto that.

#1. COURTNEY ACT

the lovechild of Willam Belli and Carmen Carrera

THAT ON WHICH I GAG: Just about everything. Not to gush like Joslyn Fox, but I have been a huge fan of Courtney for YEARS now. To see her finally debut on the show is a dream come true for me and a damn shame for every queen against which she competes.

THAT WHICH IS BUSTED: I do fear she is going to rely on that body too heavily, which could cost her in the late-game runways.

BITCH WILL WIN BECAUSE: She is, without a doubt, the most beautiful drag queen ever to hit that runway. Hands down. Combine that with the fact that she's funny - maybe not THE funniest, but definitely near the top of that pack - she's incredibly sweet and supportive, and her taste and sensibility are absolutely unclockable. She is EVERYTHING Ru has ever dreamed of for this title - she is at once stunningly gorgeous, unendingly generous, and the pinnacle of charm - just try to not look at her when she and anyone/everyone else is on camera.

BUT SHE BETTAH WATCH OUT FOR...: The only thing that could be Courtney's undoing is her ego. Not that I feel it's unjustified, but if it comes down to a fan vote again this year, showing any iota of raw ego can cost you. If she spends this season positioning herself as a possible Ms Congeniality, she will not have to settle for the consolation prize, she will take home the grand prize.